I am so excited to grow old with Conrad. Ok — not excited to “grow old,” but if I have to do it, I have found my life witness and partner to do it with, and that is an awesome feeling. Being here, alone, only reinforces that feeling — especially when I find myself suddenly wide a-freaking-wake at 4am. Why? Because he is on a shopping errand buying a new-baby gift for me (from us) and they don’t have what I told him to get and he wishes he could call me. See … we’re still hard-wired and close, even though we’re like some-thousand-odd miles apart.
I still point and get that little teary-eyed grin when I see a wrinkly, old couple walking hand-in-hand down the street and hope someday Conrad and I will have achieved that — that indelible mark of battle-tested, machine-washable lifetime achievement. I don’t know what a lifetime of love like that feels like, but I do know what it looks like.
That is why tears were rolling unabashedly down my cheeks at breakfast in the lobby this morning. Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s husband has Alzheimers. And he’s got a girlfriend. And Justice O’Connor thinks it’s great … because he’s happy.
Wow. Mark my words — that will either show up in Hollywood or the Hallmark channel.
The New York Times did a good job with this one — we are well indoctrinated to “new love” — that heart-pounding, roller-coaster ride of teenage love and angst. But what is old love like?
You can read the full story here: Still many-splendored love in the time of Dementia.
I don’t know what I would do if in that situation, I don’t know if anyone could unless they’re there. But it certainly made me think more about old love and what it could have in store. Still, despite the bumps and the unknown road ahead, I am so happy to be out on that drive, and happy I have a navigator sitting right there beside me.
Oh.
Right. You can drive honey, I’ll stay in the co-pilot’s seat 
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One of my absolute favorite songs is John Lennon’s “Grow Old With Me”. If I ever get married, that’ll definitely be a song.
Loving Awareness
Great post, R. Sixteen years into our journey, I can attest that it can become sweeter and richer than you ever imagined during those goofy, googley honeymoon months when you’re first together.
Knowing – and confessing out loud – that we both still rush home to see each other, all these years later, makes all the bumps and bruises in life insignificant.
And if B were to ever hop the dementia trolley, I’d allow him anything that ensured his continued happiness. I’m that sure that whatever the outer shell suffers, our love is still burning brightly and as strongly as ever somewhere inside.
You know, I saw that on CBS Sunday Morning and I got a little sad too. I think it’s the people who really love each other so much that that person’s happiness DOES mean the world to them. I got a little depressed too, because when I see that stuff, I start to think of what I would do if Factor couldn’t remember me or recognize me. I think about that and I know that there are far stronger people out there than me. FAR stronger. I have a feeling I would be gripped by devastated sorrow if I couldn’t never know Factor again. That story ripped my heart out, no doubt.
The other thing i thought was… is it a new relationship every day for her husband? Like, how does Altz/ work? Does the new stuff stick but the old stuff doesn’t? Anyway.
I have NO DOUBT you and Conrad will be a wonderful example of long time love and devotion and I hope we’re still good friends so I can poke at his wrinkles.
Almost 42 years and the love still grows stronger! Just keeps getting better as we have to rely on each other more and more when the physical frailties assail us. Yes, the “hard-wiring” gets stronger, too. Nearly every day, we find we are on the same wave-length with our thoughts.
Our prayer is that yours will last as long (or longer) and be as sweet.
Mom R
`life witness`?
Hey Wilson, don’t knock it. Someone said once that the real reason you spend your life with someone is to reaffirm it’s value — to witness it with you, and vice/versa. I don’t know, it’s just kinda stuck. You know those big questions .. “Why am I here? What have I done with my life?” .. well, the person you chose to join you on that journey should be able to help you answer those questions (or at least smack you back to the bill-paying reality
Beck, I didn’t realize until today that I’ve not been on the Blog for a few days…I’ve missed too much…
Right now, I’ve got a few tears blurring the keyboard, and a heart that is beating faster than normal. My picture of you, so far away from Conrad, yet totally connected as if you were side-by-side, allows me to smile at the “missing you/him” part of the story…and the hard-wire connects that you both have…they’re real and come to all who choose to do the hard work along with the FUN stuff!!! Together, you will walk the road along paths that wind, climb upward, skirt cliffhangers, go across boulders, and look…even with oceans between you…keep your love growing!!!
You know the groovy, wrinkly, battle-tested, machine washable couple you described…walking down the street…biking around the roads…sitting side-by-side in the car/in bed/on the couch…??? Well, you’ve seen it all in real time. Dad & I have only grown in love over time. I tell him what he “may want to do”; he pretends he can’t hear most words I’m saying! We’ve been given a “lifetime guarantee”, like every married couple…and we’ve chosen to test it to the end…together. Life has been A THRILL…it’s joy, coupled with bits and pieces of annoyance…it’s the hope and the dreams, it’s patience…and laughter…it’s family…it’s friends…and continued opportunities to grow…and it’s you and Conrad who help keep us close. It’s the GPS inside each of us that allows the other to grow, and even go off…and go the distance as a person…that helps us to know who we are, what we hope to accomplish, and learn about the world inside us…
Keep Conrad in your heart, as he does you, and walk the walk…side by side!!! You are both in the right place at this point in time…on the right road…wherever it may lead you!!! …and when sickness, physical and mental disabilities enter life, you will be given the strength to do what needs to be done…Dad & I have spoken of these issues…we believe that the strength will come for the needs that appear in all of life’s situations! Faith, love and hope are all gifts we get and the best part…they can be re-charged whenever necessary!!!
Soon, you and Conrad will be walking in NYC together, laughing at the moments you’ve shared apart…and memories of these months will be just that…memories to treasure!!! I love you both xoxoxoxo!!!
@thereyesreport (21:33:13) — Hey, I wasn’t clownin’ ya. The concept is awesome; I dig it. Just the words you chose sounded kinda new age.
Hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving!